Snotty Pollsters

For the last week, I’ve been receiving an unconscionable number of phone calls from political pollsters. “But I’m on the ‘Do Not Call’ list,” I always say. “Oh, that doesn’t apply to us,” they cheerily explain. “Public opinion polls don’t have to follow it.” So, I wonder, does this mean that as long as MCI and MBNA ask me who I like in the Presidential election, then it’s a-OK to keep harassing me for long-distance plans and platinum credit cards?

Truth be told, at first I kind of enjoyed saying I was going to vote for Dwight Eisenhower. “But he’s dead,” they usually pointed out. “That’s terrible. Oh my. Well, then I guess my second choice would be Governor TurkeyMonkey.” “I’m sorry?” “Turkeymonkey.” “Um, can you spell that, sir? Is it a first and last name?”

Lately I’ve just answered them with a blunt “Jo Mama.” And yet, they keep calling me. They keep calling me, they keep calling me, they’ll make me feel guilty. OK, I’ll go, I’ll go, whit, I’ll go …

I’ve decided that it’s finally time to turn the tables. To poll the pollsters, if you will. With the help of my friend Andy, who set up a voting script, I bring you the first TurkeyMonkey poll: