Last Friday, while wandering down Chestnut Street on Korey’s final night in Philly, I was struck with my latest million-dollar idea: This city needs a bowling alley! As far as I know, the only half-decent lanes are in Cherry Hill, NJ. What major American city doesn’t have a centrally located bowling alley? It’s a brilliant idea, I tell you. Brilliant!

So brilliant that, apparently, three other groups are already cashing in on it. After a couple days of picturing myself as an Ed-like alley manager, I got a surprise email from Katie Diller today, telling me that a West Philly storefront next to the Video Library has been rezoned for—what else?—a bowling alley. A search of the Inquirer website revealed that two more alley-lounges are coming soon, one on the 1300 block of Chestnut, and one in Northern Liberties.

So much for my brilliant business plan. Back to the homemade donut scheme.

In my email this afternoon was a cheerful message from US Air:

FIND SETH THE “GOFARES GUY” IN THE PHILLY AREA WHEN & WHERE

At the times and locations listed below, if you are the first person to find Seth, the “GoFares Guy,” and passionately yell I LOVE US AIRWAYS UNBELIEVABLY LOW GOFARES!, you’ll win 4 roundtrip tickets for travel anywhere US Airways flies in the continental U.S.!

A little gimmicky, yes, but who am I to pass up free airline tickets? Then I kept reading. It’s the second part of the US Air pitch that’s really creepy.

INVITE SETH THE “GOFARES GUY” TO YOUR AUGUST 11TH PARTY OR EVENT

While he’s in the area, Seth would love to experience some of the famed Philly hospitality and give away some more tickets to three lucky individuals.

On Wednesday evening, August 11th , between 6:30 and 10:00pm, Seth will accept the invitation of three party or event hosts, pop in to say a few words, possibly sample some food and give a set of four tickets to each of the selected event sponsors. The event could be a pre-planned birthday or anniversary party, a college alumni or after- work get together, or a party you throw specifically in Seth’s honor.

I can’t fathom why anyone, having looked at Seth, would consider inviting him into their home. Not for 4 round trip tickets– be they domestic, international, or on the Space Shuttle. That hair just isn’t natural!

From the NY Daily News:

“[Modern] Presidents who are bald or have bad hair have always got in through proxy rather than by election. Who’s been elected who hasn’t had a great head of hair? … The only exception is Russia, where it seems the candidate with the less hair usually wins.”

So says Dr. Gary Hitzig, a hair transplant specialist in New York City, who says he can predict election results based on haircuts. I think Gabe put it more succinctly: “In Soviet Russia, hair elect you!”

Also, in the same article, some downright spooky makeover suggestions from Fabian Lliguin, a stylist from the Upper East Side.

Two years ago, Ana and I suffered the tragedy of losing one of our kittens to a mysterious disease. The onset of feline leucopoenia (aka Cat Death, Cat Plague, Cat Typhus) was as sudden as it was swift, and little Homer died no more than two days after his first little kitty cough. The cat doctor told me of his passing at work and I spent most of the City Paper graveyard shift bouncing up and down an emotional roller coaster. The staff writers asked why I kept crying, and not wanting to admit the truth, I blamed it on bad grammar, on my inability to distinguish between “then” and “than,” to understand the different uses of “I” and “me.” The death of a kitten I’d adopted less than a week before, while sad, shouldn’t have sent my tear ducts into overdrive. But it did.

The mourning period, fortunately, lasted only a week. And I haven’t thought about Homer much since. That is, until last week, when I read about Tabouli and Baba Ganoush, 8-week-old Bengal kittens who are the world’s second and third cat clones. They’re dead ringers for Homer, with the same markings and size as when we adopted him. What’s more, the San Francisco company that created them, Genetic Savings and Clone, is now offering to clone any cat for the price of $50,000. Five customers have already signed up, and hundreds more are paying over $1,000 to preserve their cat’s tissue for future cloning. Alas, poor Homer went the way of the incinerator, so even if I wanted to loot the savings account, it’s not really an option.

And, just in case any Penn friends are wondering about Maxwell, my ill-fated border collie from college, your worst nightmare is about to come true. Dog cloning is next up on Genetic Savings’ agenda, and they expect to have a Maxwell puppy sometime in 2005.

An interactive post, courtesy of Matt Johnson.

Ever since my days at UTV13, Penn’s abominable excuse for a campus TV station, I’ve been in love with “The Action News Theme.” Back then we pirated the music for our evening newscast (basically a collection of highlights from WPVI’s news, which we also pirated and re-edited), and I’ve been humming the upbeat ditty ever since. Turns out the original version, composed by Al Ham, went by the title “Move Closer to Your World” and had some moving lyrics. Matt sent this link to a site that has the original music and all of its iterations. I can’t say for sure which version is the best makeout music, but I’ll let you all be the judge.