I’ve faced plenty of tech dilemmas in recent years: whether to go over to the Apple camp; which of the photo developing sites to use (I’m still going with dirt cheap Snapfish); and whether to switch over from Yahoo Mail to Gmail (right now, I’m still with Yahoo, but this incredibly cool new Gmail chat function has me reconsidering). But the one Hamlet-caliber conundrum that’s been bugging me for almost a year now is GPS navigation systems.

I have Andy to thank for getting me hooked on TomTom, the GPS software that gives you a 3-D, Outrun-like visual of the road you’re driving on, plus flashing arrows and sultry electronic voices to tell you where to turn. Andy turned me onto it with a jerry-rigged setup in his car, where his iPaq functioned as the screen, and the GPS signal came via a hardwired little pod. Later in the summer, Andy switched over to a Treo and bluetooth GPS, which looked really cool but had one unintended side-effect: any telephone call threw the phone completely out of GPS sync.

Ever since those first glimpses of auto-navigation heaven, I’ve been pining for a GPS. Every time I get lost in Putnam County — which is, oh, every time I visit Putnam County — I think how much better my life would be if I was GPS enabled.

The only problem is price. I’m just too damn cheap to fork over the $600-$1,000 for a stand-alone TomTom device. For me, the proper price point would be about $200, or the cost of an iPod. Still, even if I go for a more complicated, Diller-esque setup, the individual components add up fast. $300 Treo with Verizon plan + $250 for TomTom GPS bundle = $550. Even the used Treos on eBay and craigslist don’t come cheap. The Palm Tungsten E2 Navigation pack is a much bigger bargain at $400, but you don’t even get a phone out of the deal. To complicate matters further, Verizon just announced the VZ Navigator Motorola V325 phone, which has everything in a nice tidy package, but it looks awfully stripped down. None of that TomTom 3D goodness.

Still, at $80 (if I renew for 2 yrs) this is the only one that matches my price point. But is it worth pulling the trigger? If I wait another few months, will Apple finally come out with the Gen8 iPod, complete with GPS and Hologram functionality?

It’s time I finally fessed up: I’m a closet Good Morning America addict. I know that’s a little like saying I’m jonsing for aspartame, but — well, usually I am jonsing for aspartame. Still, I can’t prosthletize for the show quite like I do for The Daily Show or The Colbert Report (the only other two TV programs filling my portion of the DVR queue). But I’ll make an exception just this once to point to the new GMA Weekend blog, Backpages.

It’s still a little unfocused, with all four of the on-air personalities writing dissertation-length posts, but there’s potential. By which I mean, Bill Weir. He gives the weekend edition of the show one distinct advantage over the weekday crew — humor. Charlie Gibson may have an authoritatively crinkled brow, Mike Barz may pull off the retarded weatherman even better than Steve Carrell, and Dianne Sawyer is the wet dream of all j-school men, but Weir is probably the only one with the snarky, sarcastic voice to become a good blogger. Backpages still has a ways to go before it’s truly enjoyable, but it’s cool to know that Grey’s Anatomy isn’t the only show giving its viewers a peak behind-the-scenes.

In what has to be the most retarded network programming decision so far this year, CBS yanked the excellent new show “Love Monkey” after three episodes. Whereas most shows need a dozen or shows to really find their groove, Monkey head it on episode one, with incredibly witty dialogue, music industry plots, and a charismatic team of characters. When I first heard about the concept — sort of Sex & the City for guys, revolving around an A&R music rep — it sounded unbelievably lame. But when I actually tuned in, the show wasn’t at all smaltzy, plus it had cameos by Ben Folds, James Blunt, and Aimee Mann. How cool is that?

So, if you did see Monkey and want to protest, sign the “Save Love Monkey” petition. Next, if there are any network programmers out there, please explain to me why quality shows keep getting yanked after less than five episodes. I’m not talking about “Emily’s Reasons Why Not.” I’m talking about the herd mentality that killed the promising dramedy “The Book of Daniel,” about Jesus as the buddy of a Vicodin-popping priest, which dropped last month after four promising episodes. And, of course, the “Arrested Development” craziness. These fickle decisions don’t appear to be confined to one network. Right there you’ve got NBC, CBS, and FOX. Thank God HBO is still in the game to rescue truly original programming.

One other thought: If the networks can’t find a way to promote their own shows and ensure their success, could they at least just make them all available on demand? That way, at least viewers could decide the shows’ fate for themselves. I hope that eventually all eight episodes of Monkey, including the five unaired ones, make it onto iTunes.

Ever since going to see a production of Proof in the Village last week, I’ve been meaning to plug it. The play — the first production in NYC since it finished on Broadway, I think — starred Dan’s girlfriend Kate Middleton who was riveting. I haven’t seen the movie or other theatrical versions, but I feel confident saying that she’d give Gwyneth Paltrow or Anne Heche or Mary Loise Parker a run for their money. Alright, maybe not Mary Loise Parker — she’s awful purdy — but definately the other two.

The theater they’re performing in, Manhattan Theatre Source on MacDougal Street, is worth the $15 price of admission alone. It’s adorable, with a coffee shopish first floor and a second floor library stocked with bound plays. While the actual performance space is tiny (about 40 people, I’m guessing) and drafty, once the action heats up, it’s cozy and intimate. The play is only going through this Saturday, and I’m not sure if there are any more tickets. But if there are, go see it!

And all you kids out there, stay in school!

My brother and I were talking yesterday about the Super Bowl ads, and when we got to the Gillette Fusion razor, he told me about this story in the Onion:

Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades

By James M. Kilts
CEO and President,
The Gillette Company
February 18, 2004 | Issue 40•07

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That’s three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, fuck it. We’re going to five blades.

Sure, we could go to four blades next, like the competition. That seems like the logical thing to do. After all, three worked out pretty well, and four is the next number after three. So let’s play it safe. Let’s make a thicker aloe strip and call it the Mach3SuperTurbo. Why innovate when we can follow? Oh, I know why: Because we’re a business, that’s why!

You think it’s crazy? It is crazy. But I don’t give a shit. From now on, we’re the ones who have the edge in the multi-blade game. Are they the best a man can get? Fuck, no. Gillette is the best a man can get. …

That’s just the beginning, but in case you didn’t catch it, go back and look at the story’s date. Aww, jeah.

Alright, I’m off to search the Onion archives to see how many stories there were in 2002 about the Vice President peppering his friends with buckshot.